When You’re High Functioning but Still Struggling

Written by: Staff Therapist Chanel Durham

Throughout my life, I’ve heard sayings like, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” “I can’t complain,” and “by any means necessary.” While these phrases can be useful in certain moments, over time I’ve started to wonder: what happens when you’re the most tired you’ve ever been in your life, yet still pushing toward your goals? What do you say when people ask how you’re doing? How do you put into words the kind of exhaustion that doesn’t stop you from functioning, but quietly wears you down?

This is an experience many people describe as being high functioning but still struggling. On the outside, you may appear capable, reliable, and successful. You show up to work, meet expectations, and continue to push forward. Internally, though, you may feel emotionally exhausted, disconnected, or overwhelmed in ways that are difficult to explain. Because you are still “getting things done,” your distress often goes unnoticed by others and sometimes even by yourself.

Many people develop this high-functioning pattern out of necessity. It may have been shaped by early responsibilities, cultural expectations, or environments where slowing down wasn’t an option. Over time, pushing through becomes second nature, and emotional needs are placed on the back burner. Strength and resilience are often praised, reinforcing the belief that continuing to function means everything must be fine even when it isn’t.

The challenge is that sustained emotional exhaustion eventually takes a toll. When distress goes unaddressed, it can show up as irritability, numbness, difficulty resting, or a sense of disconnection from yourself or others. You don’t have to reach a breaking point to deserve care or support. Noticing these signs and allowing yourself space to be honest about how you’re really doing can be an important step toward healing.

Self awareness is often the first step in recognizing this pattern. Many people don’t realize they’re struggling because they’ve learned to measure their wellbeing by how productive or reliable they appear. When functioning becomes the standard, emotional exhaustion can easily be overlooked.

5 Tips to Support the ‘High Functioning Struggle’:

1. Pay attention to how rest feels, not just how often you rest.
If slowing down makes you anxious, guilty, or uncomfortable, that’s information. Difficulty resting can be a sign that your nervous system is used to staying in “go mode,” even when your body needs a pause.

2. Notice when productivity becomes your proof of your value.
Ask yourself: If I weren’t accomplishing anything today, would I still feel worthy of care and support? Struggling doesn’t always mean you’re falling behind, sometimes it means you’ve been carrying too much for too long.

3. Practice answering “How are you?” more honestly, even in small ways.
You don’t have to share everything. Responses like “I’ve been tired lately” or “I’m managing, but it’s been a lot” can help you reconnect with your internal experience without overexposing yourself.

4. Check in with your body, not just your to-do list.
High functioning stress often shows up physically: tension, headaches, fatigue, or difficulty sleeping. Taking brief moments to notice these signals can help you recognize when you need support, not just structure.

5. Remember that you don’t need to be in crisis to seek help.
Therapy isn’t only for moments of breakdown. It can be a space to unpack exhaustion, unlearn constant self pressure, and explore what it looks like to feel supported.

If you would like to explore your own high functioning struggles, I am currently accepting new clients and would love to partner with you! Please use this link to schedule your free 15-20 minute phone consultation!

~Chanel