The Beautiful Nuances of Motherhood

Written by Staff Therapist: Morgan McDaniel, LPC

Happy Mothers Day! Whether you’re an expecting mom, a new mother, or a seasoned one, it’s a lovely time to reflect on the beautiful nuances that come with the role. While being a mother is an important part of one’s identity, it’s equally important to remember that there is a person behind that title—someone who also needs nurturing and appreciation.

But what does nurturing the person behind the title actually look like? How can mothers care for themselves when society often reinforces the idea that a mother must pour everything into her child, sometimes at her own expense? And how can she maintain the balance between not losing herself and upholding the sacred duty of love, responsibility, and care for her children?

Self-Care

As a reminder: self-care is an act of self-love that radiates outward. When you take care of yourself, it shows up in your relationships. You’re rested, so you can show up in conversations. You’re less stressed, so you have the capacity to be happier. You’re prepared and have a routine, so you can be more present. The list goes on. Sounds simple, right? So what does self-care actually look like for a mother?

Plan a Date with Yourself.

Take yourself out to a movie you’ve been wanting to see. Allow yourself to do the things you enjoyed before becoming a mother. Get dressed up, explore new restaurants, try new things, and keep get to know yourself better.

Make Time to Shower and Groom

When you feel clean, you can take on the day with a fresh start. Your children and loved ones being in your space doesn’t feel as overwhelming when you’ve at least brushed your teeth. Something as simple as a shower gives you time to decompress without the noise. Bring the baby monitor in with you while the kids are sleeping for a peace of mind, use a nice shower steamer, and let the hot steam fill your lungs.

Let Go of Excessive Guilt

This can mean many things, but mainly: don’t feel too guilty when things go wrong. Accept that mistakes are part of the journey of motherhood, and learn from them. Feeling guilty that your kid scraped their knee falling off their scooter? Accidents happen and that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. Next time: knee pads! Guilt is okay in small doses, but remember, we’re human, and there’s no rulebook for parenting.

Vocalize Your Needs and Lean on Your Resources

It’s often said that it takes a village to raise a child. While that’s not a requirement for everyone, and many people don’t have the luxury of a village, using the resources available to you is still beneficial. Motherhood can be hard so why make it harder by trying to do everything alone when support exists?

Vocalize your needs. People can be self-absorbed or unintentionally inconsiderate. When we speak our needs, we make others aware of them. In doing so, we not only take responsibility for ourselves, but we also give people the chance to show up for us. The ones who do? That’s your village. Being vulnerable can feel scary, but it doesn’t have to be. It can build closeness and intimacy in places you never expected. Ask for help.

Using resources can also look like: looking into qualifying government programs like SNAP and WIC, finding doulas through your insurance, visiting food banks, getting a breast pump through insurance, joining support groups for moms, or seeking therapy to address mental health struggles.

Prioritize Your Mental Health

Your mental health is vital to the well-being of both you and your family. In mothers, mental health challenges can include postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, postpartum rage, postpartum OCD, and postpartum psychosis. While these issues often subside within the first year, some mothers continue to experience them well beyond that.

For mothers who have recently given birth, hormonal fluctuations can bring a wide range of emotions that aren’t always within their control. Social withdrawal, loss of enjoyment, excessive worry, and anxious thoughts may be signs that a mother is struggling. Many mothers also feel guilty—believing they aren’t doing enough for their child—which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.

Postpartum rage and OCD are less frequently discussed, but they are just as important as anxiety and depression. Depression isn’t just about feeling sad or worried but more a persistent sadness and anxiousness that affects daily functioning, like getting out of bed, showering, or constant rumination.

The Truth about Postpartum Rage and OCD:

Postpartum Rage

· Snapping at the dog for no apparent reason when feeling overwhelmed

· Feeling disgusted by your spouse simply for existing

· Having a visceral reaction when someone says or does something to your child that you don’t like

Postpartum OCD

· Checking every five minutes to see if your baby is breathing

· Excessively checking that things are turned off, believing something bad will happen if you don’t

· Persistent thoughts of your child getting hurt, even when they’re in your care

· Cleaning toys, bottles, and surfaces obsessively to protect your child from germs

In extreme cases, some new mothers may experience hallucinations, delusions, depersonalization, derealization, or disorganized thoughts and speech. These can be signs of postpartum psychosis, a serious condition that requires immediate attention.

Do Your Part

If you’re not a mother, you can still help ensure the mother in your life takes care of her mental health. Here’s how:

· Offer to do chores like laundry so she can spend more time with her children

· Offer to care for the baby at night (or anytime) so she can get restful sleep/nap

· Bring food to the house so she doesn’t have to cook

· Offer to drive her to appointments (especially for new moms recovering from surgery or C-sections)

· Call and check in after the novelty of a new baby wears off after visitors dwindle.

· Be understanding and nonjudgmental—offer a shoulder when she shares her struggles

If you or a mother you know is struggling, please offer a helping hand if you’re able. If more support is needed especially with the mental health challenges mentioned here reach out to schedule a consultation. We would love to help you or someone you love navigate the beautiful nuances of motherhood.

~ Morgan