Written by: Staff Therapist Amerah Muhammad, MHC-LP
Whenever we experience a major or minor inconvenience, it is easy to ruminate on everything that went wrong. As humans, we are wired to detect what feels unsafe or out of place in our environment to keep us alive. But the flip side of our brilliant, logical minds is that we can easily become stuck on unfavorable and distressing experiences. We are not always taught how to simply pause and set down the heavy and challenging thing in front of us. Our thoughts directly influence the intensity of our emotions, which can then trigger self-soothing or avoidant behaviors whether that looks like nail-biting, rumination, self harm, using substances, or quiet suppression through endless doomscrolling. One dialectical framework that helps anchor us in these moments is the STOP method. This might sound vague at first glance, so let’s break down how to actually put it into practice when your nervous system feels overwhelmed.
S - Stop
This first step is highly underestimated and arguably the most challenging. When an emotion surges, our brain wants to react immediately. The goal is to freeze and prevent yourself from taking impulsive reactive action. It takes practice to become aware of when our thoughts and emotions are negatively impacting us. But with practice, awareness comes first and then comes choice. We have to actively choose to pause. Sometimes when I catch myself avoiding something or stressing out, I actually freeze in time, just like we would in freeze-tag as children.
T- Take a Step Back
Once you’ve stopped, physically or mentally remove yourself from the situation. This step allows your nervous system a moment to settle so your logical mind can come back online. In slow motion, I put down whatever I’m doing/holding and settle back into a natural position to put my thoughts on pause. I combine this with placing a hand on my chest (or wherever I feel the most tension inside of myself) while taking a deep inhale from my diaphragm in and a full long exhale out. Giving the body physical space allows the mind to follow easier.
O - Observe
After pausing and stepping back, this next step is extremely helpful which will ultimately support us further in having a clearer mind to observe. Try your best not to hold judgement but rather witness your experience. Naming your internal states removes its power. (See the feeling wheel below for easier integration into your practice.) In this stage it might be helpful to identify your feelings, gather the facts, validate your emotions, and reframe worst-case thinking. Our minds are fast and quickly move to the worst-case scenario, which prolongs how long we stay dysregulated. I like to use an exercise called PPSL, identifying the perceived problem and then finding any silver lining I can take away from it. This validates the challenge while reframing it in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling helpless, leaving room for more grounded realities to set in.
P- Proceed Mindfully
Last but not least, ask yourself: what choice or action will make the situation better rather than worse? Proceeding mindfully might look like reaching out to support systems that you trust, or shifting your physical environment. Sometimes the body does not need stillness but movement. Implementing somatic exercises like progressive muscle relaxation or grounding exercises like walking barefoot in the grass can be the transition needed to get us out of a stuck place. If you can’t move in the moment, use sensory distraction. Name six colors and match them with the items in your immediate environment. Try identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. Taking mindful action reminds us of our agency. A quote that grounds me in the final step is, “I am not a product of my circumstances, I am a product of my decisions.”
~ Amerah