Maneuvering the Unexpected
Written by: Owner & Founder Camille Lester-Riley LMHC LCPC
Have you ever scrapped up against an unexpected twist or turn in your life's story? It happens often as we ebb and flow through life. Once you honor the unexpected, you begin to make meaning, and slowly inch towards acceptance… only to have that twist take yet another direction? Talk about an internal whirlwind!! If so, this blog is for you!
Settling into this blog, I invite you to take a deep deep belly breath. Once you do, think back to your childhood. Ah, yes the classic therapist ask :) No really, think back to what it was like to grow up and maneuver your childhood home in elementary, middle, and high school. Maybe you participated in sports, had a few hobbies, coordinated play dates, etc. If this was your reality, one of the things that kept your life in tact was more than likely having and sticking to a routine. Bedtime routine, dinner routine, after school routine,morning, and repeat… At times yes deeply monotonous and yet also extremely calming and centering. Of course we venture out of this and find a thrill in the gift of spontaneity. However we all seem to reach a point where we come back to the basics. One of the beautiful aspects of “adulthood” is reaching and finding a predictable rhythm to life. There is science behind all of this. Our nervous system finds safety and calmness when we engage in predictable, routine, “monotonous” behavior. We can breathe deeply into a moment and rest easy when we lay our heads down at night when life feels….. Routine.
When life hands us unexpected turns and dips it can be hard to recover. Perhaps a layoff, a loss in income, an unexpected pregnancy, the loss of a family member, a breakup… the list goes on. The aforementioned can be jarring, scary, and nervewrecking. Here are 3 tips to bind to:
Breathe
Whatever is happening will continue to happen at the other side of each breath. Breathing helps regulate our nervous system, lower spikes in heart rate and blood pressure, can engage our vagus nerve (serotonin), and gives moment to moment whispers of respite. BREATHE.
Surrender
When I was carrying my 1st child and journeying through the waves of labor and his arrival earthside, this word was essential. My doula and midwives kept repeating… surrender. Surrender to the changes, the waves of anxiety, grief, fear, frustration, isolation, and… When we surrender we let go of the need to be in control which opens up room for us to focus on the present moment/ here and now. I promise you there is a world of work to do in the here and now. Maybe its drinking your water, taking your meds/vitamins, silencing your notifications, setting some necessary boundaries, calling a friend, or setting up that overdue therapy appointment. Surrender to what can and focus on what is. Breathe & Surrender.
Get Back to the Basics
Find and reestablish routine. When the world felt ablaze in 2020 with COVID; there was sickness, an unknown virus claiming thousands of lives, jobloss, unarmed black folks being shot dead in the street… I struggled. I was also seeing a full caseload of clients who needed me to guide and ground them. It was important I found my own center. I found a new routine that I still default to; making coffee with my chemex. I mean really making coffee. Weighing the beans, grounding the beans, measuring every drop of water, watching the coffee bloom and become… it became ritual; that 6 years later I still find myself using as a scaffold to my mornings. It is predictable, routine, boring even.. But it is consistent when life feels inconsistent. Find or re-establish a routine. The predictable, everyday, monotonous can be found in so many moments and pockets.
If life has you maneuvering the unexpected I am sending you so much care. It is hard. I would never want you to doubt that or yourself. I welcome you to breathe, surrender, and get back to the basics. In the process if you feel that you need someone to talk to in the in-between, let us walk alongside you! Sow and Seed Psychotherapy is a black woman owned and operated practice committed to helping folks sustain healthier relationships and trust us, everything is relational. Schedule your free 15-20 minute consultation and get matched with your therapist, today!
~ Camille