A Guide to Holiday Boundaries
Finding Peace During the Holidays: A Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries
The holiday season is often painted as a picture-perfect time of joy and connection. Yet, for many of us, it also brings a unique set of stresses. While we cherish moments with family and loved ones, we can find ourselves in situations that test our patience and peace: the overbearing relative, the cousin who needs to control every detail, or the parent insisting on rigid traditions. We can’t always control these situations, but we can control how we respond by setting clear, compassionate boundaries. What might feel like an unavoidable, uncomfortable scenario can become manageable—and even peaceful—with the right tools.
What do boundaries look like and what exactly are they?
You can think of a boundary as a personal property line. It defines where you end and others begin, marking the limits of what is acceptable in how others treat you—your time, your energy, and your emotional space.
Boundaries can be:
Physical: “I’d prefer a handshake to a hug.”
Emotional: “I don’t feel comfortable discussing my dating life.”
Mental: “I respect that we have different opinions on this topic.”
At their core, boundaries are an act of self-respect and a instruction manual for others on how to have a healthy relationship with you.
So how exactly do we implement a boundary? Boundaries can be communicated clearly or maintained internally. The method depends on the situation and your comfort level. This can look like spoken boundaries which are direct, kind, and firm statements about your needs and unspoken boundaries which involve actions you take to protect your energy. This could include choosing not to engage in a heated debate or limiting your time in an overwhelming environment.
The first step is always self-awareness. Identify what drains you, what triggers resentment, and what you need to feel respected. Once you know your limits, communicating them becomes simpler. What are some ways I can express when a boundary I have has been crossed? While it may be difficult to speak up to a parent, uncle, sibling, cousin or acquaintance; ultimately you are teaching others how to navigate the relationship by speaking up for yourself. A lot of times, people’s boundaries get crossed when they don’t stand firm in the boundaries that they’ve curated. This can lead to guilt, anxiousness, unpredictability, and being emotionally dysregulated all together.
Some ways in which we can express our boundaries before and after they are crossed:
To Deflect or Pause a Conversation
“Sorry, but I do not think this is the best time to talk about this.”
“Yes, I am open and receptive to what you are saying, however I think that it would be better to discuss this at a more appropriate time that is not right now.”
“I don’t agree with what you said, however, I’d like to address it at a later time.”
To Address Disrespectful/Unsolicited Comments
“I do not agree with your opinion, but I understand what you are saying.”
“I think that could’ve been said in a more polite manner.”
“I don’t feel like what you said is an accurate representation of ____.”
“Your understanding of the situation seems different from mine.”
“I think that could’ve been expressed in a different way.”
“I don’t feel comfortable about what you just said.”
“What was said made me feel a little uncomfortable.”
To Exit a Situation
“I think that we should change the topic.”
“I’ve said all I’m comfortable with on this. Let’s talk about something else.”
“I don’t think we should continue to engage in this conversation/topic.”
“In the future, I will not engage in _____ which is in direct conflict with my beliefs about____.”
“This conversation doesn’t align with my beliefs, and I would like to excuse/remove myself from the conversation.”
Often, people cross boundaries unintentionally. A calm, clear statement gives them the chance to correct course, improving your interaction in the moment and in the future.
What does my lack of boundaries say about me? Sometimes the lack of boundaries we have with others and ourselves can indicate deeper work that is needed within. Lack of boundaries can show up as:
Difficulty saying no
People pleasing tendencies
Codependent behaviors (e.g. “I am not fine if they aren’t fine so I must sacrifice my needs for them to feel good and then I’ll feel good.”)
Unbalanced work/life balance
Identity issues
Tiredness and resentment
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. These patterns often stem from core beliefs that prioritize others needs over your own. Therapy can be a transformative space to explore these roots, understand your worth, and build the skills to set firm, loving boundaries without guilt.
When All Else Fails: The Art of Disengagement
For persistently toxic or emotionally abusive dynamics where clear communication is ignored, protective disengagement is a valid strategy. This is not the silent treatment meant to punish, but a conscious choice to emotionally and physically remove yourself to ensure your safety and well-being. This may look like:
Politely leaving the room
Ending a phone call
Choosing not to internalize harmful words
Ultimately, evaluate if this relationship is one you can continue
You have the right to remove access to those who consistently violate your peace!
Embrace an Authentic Holiday Season
This year, empower yourself with the gift of boundaries. By honoring your needs, you protect your joy and create space for more genuine connections. With boundaries, we are upholding standards that we have to make our lives better. What better way to live authentically than speaking on the things that make you happy and holding onto them?
If you’d like help with not just setting boundaries in your life, but other mental health issues, I am here to help. Click here to schedule a free consultation to learn how you can cultivate resilience, reclaim your peace, and live more authentically.