Comparison Is the Thief of Joy: How Social Comparison Impacts Mental Health and Healing
Written by: Staff Therapist Amerah Muhammad, MHC-LP
We all do it at some point or another. As humans, we are social creatures. Deep in our biology lies a rooted need to stay connected in order to survive. In prehistoric times, isolation meant certain death. But while survival today no longer looks like outrunning predators, our fear of ostracization remains just as primal. Today, we fear rejection, maybe even to a more conscious degree. We fear the real, tangible repercussions of straying from the norm: rigid societal script that dictates how we ought to live if we want to be praised and supported. This is where the old phrase "comparison is the thief of joy," takes on a much heavier, more insidious meaning. We aren't just comparing our lives to our friends and neighbors highlight reels, we are comparing our deepest traumas, truths, and struggles against a sanitized societal standard. When our reality doesn't match the approved script, comparison doesn't just steal our joy, it steals our voice. Expressing our truth can mean the difference between being kicked out of a home or letting an abuser roam free. It forces us into a painful calculation of who society chooses to protect, and at whose detriment.
Social media only amplifies these scripts. It turns "social currency" into a visible metric, making it agonizingly easy to see what is liked, commented on, and validated. When we compare our complex inner lives to these strict gender, cultural, and economic expectations, it brings a crushing wave of shame and sadness.But to self-actualize, to blossom out of the cocoon of society’s rules, we have to stop comparing and start contrasting. We must take what we’ve absorbed from our environment and contrast it with our inner truths, applying a unique cocktail of passion and authenticity to our lives. The people around us, and the triggers we feel, can be a powerful mirror to what lies underneath our hearts. Acknowledging the discomfort, the envy, and the dislikes we have of others can actually lead us to the parts of ourselves we keep repressed.
This tension becomes especially loud during seasons of communal celebration. Holidays that are meant to be joyous can be agonizing for those with complex trauma. Happy Juneteenth, Happy Pride, and Happy Father’s Day, but this is a specific dedication to those who are grieving family members who are still breathing. It is for those facing inner turmoil due to separation, abuse, and neglect. When society tells you how you should feel during these milestones, comparing your grief to their celebration is a thief of peace. It is vital to honor and make space for all realities, no matter how harsh or heavy they feel. Your path to freedom isn't in matching the script, it's in honoring your truth. You are not alone.